Space Credit Bludger

“I’ve not time for this. It’s only because of my previous job on the surface that I get lumbered with you. How could you be so stupid not to follow the signs?”

“It was my first day there. I hadn’t done the induction. I should be suing the lot of you. I didn’t want to end up here. You can only look at so many Sunrises over the Earth. How many do we get a day? Find me something to do.”

The supervisor stood up and tried to turn to look out his window before the shutters closed for the next but complained: “I can’t get the hang of these switch-able Velcro slippers with subtle toe commands.” Then the shutters closed so he sat down again. “The butt squeeze release working my pants Velcro is simpler.”

  Still stuck with his Velcro the stowaway offered: “The station rim has centrifugal gravity but the office hub does not rotate. The rim has monitors for windows to give a contrived view without the rotation or direct Sun.”

“In the offices we are supposed to see what we are doing and you want me to find  you something to do! Weren’t you supposed to be doing something when you were having that afternoon nap? Did you think the keep out sign was there to give you some privacy? The vast majority of transport spheres are vented so they can be lightly built. You’re darn lucky you picked one with lab rats or do you normally like to sleep with them? Up here do you think you can just keep sucking in oxygen as if it were your God given right?”

“Why? The solar panels power the CO2 scrubbers. What difference do I make?”

“Those panels had to be made on Earth, didn’t they? Shipped up here, installed and maintained. With you, where’s the return on investment?”

“There’d be nothing and you all dead if it wasn’t for the 100 millimetre wobble my extra mass puts in. That golf ball sized meteorite only took off some paint thanks to me.”

” That was sheer luck and you know it. Nothing has ever come that close and fast in the decade we’ve been up here. Your fat arse wobble could have just as likely wobbled us into the path of one, do the ballistics but that’s all past history. I don’t want to have to keep seeing you once a month and rubber stamping you space credit.”

“Then send me home instead of nuts up here.”

“Stop saying that. You know as well as I that what comes up must go down. The greenies won’t let us expel anything, not even you. Do you know how much junk’s already out there? It probably was a golf ball! Every shipment to and throw has been booked to the gram for the next six months. And something can’t come up before you go down which leaves something up here that can’t go down until the time after.”

“You can’t call my arse fat. Look how skinny I’ve become on you starvation rations you give me. If I could only weigh myself properly I’d prove it. Surely you can find something for me and then I could earn a decent feed?”

“I just told you we book every gram so any unwanted arse is fat. I do the HR around here so I have have to watch every human gram and you’ve made a mess of it. Now you want me to find you a job when you are a useless rocket scientist. You all knew that was a dead end career a decade ago. You all knew about the coming elevator on cord and more will be put up all around the equator.”

“We can’t keep sling shooting deep space craft off with the Earth’s rotation. It will slow down.”

“Don’t give me that greenie bullshit. For them something is always heating up or cooling down or speeding up or slowing down. Volcanoes jettison mass and slow the Earth down. Dams hold water mass high so do the same. Blame them as usual. Any trends detected could be due to them.”

“If your cord elevator is so great why aren’t we tethered to it so I could go straight home?

“How can we sling anything into deep space if we are in the way? You rocket scientists have to learn the meaning of being tied to something.”

“Deep space craft can’t use alien gravity to make small adjustments, they need propulsion.”

“You of all people know very well that its all cold squirts and automatic. Where’s the propulsion in that? A dumb graffiti artist could do it manually. Now let’s cut the chit chat and start the questions. Have your circumstances changed?”

“How could they stuck up here? I’m slowly going around and around the twist.”

“All up here except you have a job so if you have started a relationship with one or more you are no longer eligible for welfare payments.”

“The closest I get to anyone is you.”

“Well we can’t have that so your space credit is approved for this month.”

Author: Scifantor

Fear me. I am your god.

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