The New Runners

“Hup 2, 3, 4 hup 2, 3, 4,” bellowed the Sar Major. “On the spot march left, right, left. We don’t want anyone passing out on parade.”

“Has that stopped happening”, asked the captain quietly in the officer’s mess overviewing the parade ground?

“Yes Sir” whispered his lieutenant, “The incompatible artificial artery connectors have prevented recruits mixing up their left and right ventricles even in a hurry.”

“I’m told Nike thought of that.”

“True Sir, they used their patented technology that prevents putting or leaving a runner on the wrong foot.”

“Have our friends in the Russian Federation or the PLA pirated that yet?”

“I doubt it Sir. That have not yet adapted the technology for their winters without instant hypothermia?”

“What’s Nike’s take on that?”

“They will not market in cold climates Sir and put out just enough public announcement that they cannot be sued.”

“So our blood filled vests hard against the skin of the chest and back gives us an edge in winter?”

“Yes Sir and the vests double the amount of blood in circulation and the sole pumps allow 90% of the energy in blood sugars go to the limbs. Recruit stamina has instantly increased by 50% as the heart stays at rest. Same for our crack troops.”

“How goes the R&D on the vest gills supplementing the lungs?”

“Only very poor oxygen intake Sir as it appears sweat and body odour stymies osmosis.”

“Pity and I’m not sure about this partnership with the private sector but I suppose it’s no different to the past century of our reliance on the defence industry. When is the commercial launch and what will the product be called?”

“Next month Sir and it will be called Nike _____.”

Microfiction by Brad Doyle

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